Following Jesus is the Best Life…Right?

My first semester of college was miserable.  I couldn’t sleep. Literally, I did not fall asleep before 5 a.m. my entire fall term. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned, unable to shake a mysterious inner anxiety.  The only thing worse than not sleeping was not knowing WHY I was so discontent.

There was a diverse group of guys on my hall.  Some smoked pot daily inside their dorm rooms.  Others went downtown to get drunk and meet girls just about every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. A few others stayed intensely focused on school and lived in the library.

As different as these hall mates were, they all shared one important quality: they were way happier than me! I was emotionally depressed- full of anxiety, insecurity, and sleepless nights.  I envied their carefree attitude and confidence that they were living the best life. All I could do was doubt. “Maybe following Jesus isn’t really the best way to live?” “Maybe it’s not worth it?”

Years later, as a first year grad student at seminary, the doubts returned but this time they were intellectual in nature.  All of a sudden I couldn’t just accept the Christian truths that I had previously embraced.

Before seminary, I told a friend “I could never doubt God because of what I’ve experienced with Him (emotionally).”  Boy was I wrong! Like waves in the ocean, doubts crashed into my mind constantly. “How can I trust the Bible?” “Was Jesus even real?” “Is this Christian thing a big hoax?”

I don’t know how you react to the word “doubt,” but I know for me it used to feel like something to be avoided at all costs.  In many ways it seemed like an enemy to war against, the opposition to faith.

After enduring these intense seasons, I’ve come to understand insecurity and uncertainty not as enemies, but as God’s invitation to spiritual growth.

My doubts at the beginning of college were ultimately an invitation to a greater intimacy with Jesus.  The instability I faced led me to stop looking for emotional fulfillment from others and was followed by a season of rich connection with God like I had never known before.

My intellectual doubts at seminary were ultimately God’s invitation to engage my mind in a deeper way. I sought answers to all kinds of important questions, ones that before I considered a waste of time.  I gained knowledge and wisdom, and most importantly a voice to relate to others asking similar questions.

Have you ever doubted if God is good? If He’s worth following? If He’s real?  If you are currently in a season of doubt that seems unshakeable, I encourage you to press on and consider what God might be inviting you into.

Maybe He’s drawing you to experience His love and acceptance like never before?  Perhaps He’s inviting you to deepen your knowledge that will lead to a more holistic life and a greater impact for the Kingdom of God.

Jesus is bigger than our doubts, and He uses them for our spiritual growth if we will let Him. Don’t forget – He’s faithful when we’re faithless (2 Timothy 2:13), and He’s working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). #LiveFully